uragiru | «Ｒ» INBOX.

[ the first response he types is: Don't be annoying. but he looks at it a moment and reconsiders— ]

Avoiding you? No, never.

[ Why so tsundere ]

Oh good bc that'd be
pretty dumb
on a
space station

It is quite large for a space station.
But since there are probably no more than 50 people here, you're right. It would be pointless.
I'm almost certainly not avoiding you, though, so it doesn't matter.

[ Let's test that theory. ]

It seemed like I offended you though.

[ he wrote "hurt" initially but good god does Akechi respond poorly to cuts too close to the bone. ]

Not at all.
It was just

[ he's walking a thin line with his composure here, thinking about that conversation. it's not like he can lie and say it was nothing, after ending it the way he did, but he's not going to talk about this. not with Ren. ]

There was a lot to take in.

I see.

[ Again, not "I understand", though it's implicit with Ren. Maybe if he doses Akechi with concern bit by bit he'll build up a tolerance, like caffeine. Or poison. ]

So do you want to meet up with me and Ryuji sometime? Day one was fun, pulling wires out of our skin.

Ah.
You had that particular experience too?

[ not answering the actual question just yet. they'll have to meet up eventually; they're the only ones who have the same point of reference as him, with the Metaverse and Yaldabaoth, so it'll be easier to plan and theorise with them. but he wants to make sure it's the same as November: a steel veneer of professionalism keeping distance between himself and the rest of them. ]

Unfortunately. Someone scraped me up off the ground eventually.

[ Yeah good luck with that, buddy. ]

Can't say why it happened though. It makes me think of Halloween urban legends - you know, the ones where they say you shouldn't get candy bc crazy people put razors in them?

So you shouldn't wake up on abandoned stations because someone might put a length of wire in you?

Now you're getting it.

idk, it's pretty big too. Maybe it'd make a nice Christmas ornament if we're here long enough.

You're disgusting, Amamiya.

Nah I just have a functional sense of humor, Goro-chan~

But, like. I feel like I have to after pulling five inches of metal out of my face, so.

[ Goro-chan. he's not rising to that fucking bait. ]

Oh, yours was in your face?
That's... nauseating.

[ :< ]

No disagreement here. Why, where was yours?

Bullet wound.

[ you know. the one that killed him. ]

Yikes, that's a little on the nose.

Or - you know what I mean.

[ Sympathies, don't care if you don't want them. ]

You get patched up okay, I take it? ]

[ why do you care. ]

Yes, Niijima found me bleeding out and kindly decided to spare my life.

[ Don't ask questions you actively hate hearing the answers of. ]

No, Makoto isn't like that.

I'm serious, you know. If you, Ryuji,and me can put our heads together on this we could figure something out about this station. Or get a clue at minimum.

Of course. We may not be teammates anymore, but we do have similar experiences to draw on.
If you'd like to discuss theories and plans, naturally I'd be willing to talk.

[ the implication being that he isn't interested in any other kind of conversation with them. ]

[ A spike of pique almost forces a mistake out of him. Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, Ren blunts it into a smaller blade the cuts no less deep. ]

That wasn't our choice.

You could join us again if you'd stop being stubborn.

[ Talk with them. Or just talk with Ren, you self-involved suicidal jackass. ]

Good. Ryuji and I room together so you may as well come on over at your leisure.

[ he hesitates — considers ignoring that first part entirely and leaving it at that. but... ]

You shouldn't speak for your whole team.
I'm sure they have no intention of counting a traitor amongst their number for a second time.
And what makes you think I won't throw you under the bus for my own sake once again?

You're awfully concerned about chain of command for someone that doesn't want anything to do with us.
That said, you're not giving them enough credit. Again.
Or do you intend on forgetting and distorting everything that was said and happened before you threw your life away.

[ Okay, that wasn't controlling his anger but Akechi is working really hard on the willful ignorance and Ren is Not Having It. ]

Because this place is a pressure cooker. Boil down sincerity and artifice and what do you think people will see?

[ He supposes Akechi might not answer, or might abruptly shut off contact again. Maybe as long as he has his attention, whether or not he gets a response, he should make himself clearer and prepare for his communication with Akechi to go on cooldown again. ]

Please don't make the same mistakes.

[ sometimes he wishes Ren Amamiya had formed a Palace. a landscape that Akechi could have combed through with a fine-tooth comb to understand what the fuck is going on in his head — what the world must look like through his eyes to be this stubbornly, stupidly naive. he doesn't know what Ren even sees in him to make this effort worthwhile. he's already proven himself useless; fooled not just by Shido, but Yaldabaoth, nothing more than a puppet his whole life. and beyond that, what does he have?

it's blindness. it has to be. it's this idiotic, starry-eyed faith in a better world that doesn't exist, one that Akechi would never be a part of even if it did. and when that wears off in time, he'll be tossed aside again, the same as always. ]

I'm not one of your projects, you know.
My heart was never changed.

And there was no saving me.

I was never under the impression that you were a project.
And if that's all you see when you look at us then you're a pretty shoddy detective.

[ Fuck what you think. What good has it done you, first making you cling to a lost cause til death and now what the hell are you doing, acknowledging that you were fooled and then behaving the exact same way.

The point of it was always that there's something he wants to save if he can see it. Akechi doesn't get to decide there isn't if Ren knows that it exists.

It's not so hard to understand Ren if you accept that people have intrinsic worth. That's the difference between Ren and Akechi.

... ]

Do you want your heart to be changed?

Hahaha.
Wouldn't that be taking the easy way out?

[ it's a difficult question to think about, much less answer. would he become a completely different person, if his heart were changed? what does that mean for the person that he is now — what if there's nothing in him worth saving, and he can't even recognise himself after everything black and evil is drawn out like poison from a wound? or maybe they change it and over time, he just goes back to the way he was when he's inevitably discarded one too many times.

he changed himself for a reason. this isn't where he wanted to be, but it's over now. he doesn't need anything else. ]

I don't know what my heart looks like
but I don't want you anywhere near it.

[ not that he doesn't want it changed. but that he doesn't want Ren to see it. ]

(no subject)

intrusivethot - 2018-05-06 05:37 (UTC) - Expand